This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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