I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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