You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
