Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
