I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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