Nicole vs. Life
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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