and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I party with great urgency now.
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