mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
