i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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