is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
