He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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