the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
