Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
