all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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