I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
