There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
