just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
