her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
