just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
