Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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