Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He has the fingertips of a God
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
