Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i will never coherently bang her
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
