just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
