just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
