after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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