I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
