Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So vagazzling was a success
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
