I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
