And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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