There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
