lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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