he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
