Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
