nut hugger
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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