OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
