it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
