i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
