Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize