party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
