I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
