If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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