Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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