Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
