she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My butt remains clenched, sir.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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