I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
