and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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