All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
