It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
