I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
