I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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