Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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