Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
