I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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