If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
