so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
