just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
