Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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