not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
