you would pick up someone in the library
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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