In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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