i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
