i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
