areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
