She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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