I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
