now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
