I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
