Welp...herpes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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