I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
